Yesterday I failed to accomplish the task of getting a scholarship to SAA. After a few years of pull work for my portfolio I still was beat by some 17,18,19 yr olds. Sad really I thought I was pretty good.
I have been highly motivated this year. Ive made it a point this year to constantly keep my future in mind. With all that I really have not accomplished yet I will still continue to work to better my arts even if I did not get the scholarship. I will continue to come up with ideas. I have been doing many things and Ive noticed Id like to do too much at times....
Things I am currently working or have finished this year:
rogsports.com - editing again.
fielyarts.com
kates music logo
parakino - soon to come!!!
saa - soon to go there!!!
proposal
A Taste for Dinosaurs - children's book
I will never leave you(temporary title) - motivational book
music - 14 songs written
music - learning piano!!!!!
Monday, April 21, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
A Game
A few years ago my father was part of my church's softball team. Great bunch of older and younger athletes playing other teams in the state church finals. Excitement filled the air as the games began and they all took the field. As the game progressed mistakes and errors were killing our team. Easy routine plays turned into runs and soon our team found themselves in the loser's bracket with their backs to the wall. Time after time the opponent was getting the breaks and our group of men continued to wonder what is going on! Everyone was having a bad weekend. No man was able to step up and take hold of the team and carry them out of the slump they were in.
Until a phone call came. Our church was ready to play, geared up and about to take the field when a phone call came. The other team stretched out and began running sprints to keep their energy flowing until a phone call came. Screams filled the air and the crowd and players looked to the man being held together by the opposing team. I sat on the bleachers on the far side of the field across from the opposing team as men huddled together around a man with terrifying cries. The man just got a call that his brother died in a car accident on the way to the ball field. Both teams gathered together and prayer filled the field of tears.
You see many times even if I could imagine my own will to change the circumstance it seems God has other plans. Those group of guys played horrible for the reason of being there for that man. Sometimes Ive been put into places only to see Gods work being done. Sometimes we miss the chance to save the game to only realize the more important work in life. They didn't bring home the trophy that year. Id rather hold hold my arm out and pray for that man than hold my arm out with a championship trophy anyway.
Until a phone call came. Our church was ready to play, geared up and about to take the field when a phone call came. The other team stretched out and began running sprints to keep their energy flowing until a phone call came. Screams filled the air and the crowd and players looked to the man being held together by the opposing team. I sat on the bleachers on the far side of the field across from the opposing team as men huddled together around a man with terrifying cries. The man just got a call that his brother died in a car accident on the way to the ball field. Both teams gathered together and prayer filled the field of tears.
You see many times even if I could imagine my own will to change the circumstance it seems God has other plans. Those group of guys played horrible for the reason of being there for that man. Sometimes Ive been put into places only to see Gods work being done. Sometimes we miss the chance to save the game to only realize the more important work in life. They didn't bring home the trophy that year. Id rather hold hold my arm out and pray for that man than hold my arm out with a championship trophy anyway.
That Tingle
Some time ago I realized the power of healing. Over the weekend I was reminded of the Spiritual Gifts and more importantly the spiritual gift of Healing. When I was in high school a few days before a tournament basketball game my freshman year I came down with terrible pain in my foot. I could walk on my foot but as I would prepare to jump and stretch my foot out the pain would be overwhelming. I remember going into the emergency room with my mother on the Saturday before our game on Tuesday. As the Doctor inspected the X-Rays he noticed a small fracture in my foot but himself not being our family doctor and he couldn't say if this was 100% certain he had the images sent to another doctor to be inspected.
Sunday came along and I felt the urge to walk to the front of the church and ask for healing. I remember I normally would ask Ben or Franky to walk with me. Having the close relationship we did in high school it was just unspoken when one of us hurt the other was there for support no questions asked. As I knelt on the alter many other people came to pray for me. Our youth group at the time was expanding and growing and when youth girl or boy prayed at the alter all the youth seemed to fill the isles and fill the alter with prayers for the specific person.
This time I felt something. My foot began to feel heated. My foot began to tingle. Like as your leg or arm would fall asleep my foot began to do the same. As you may know for instance when your foot would fall asleep it would be in pain if you used it, if you stood on your foot and tried to walk. This was different. This was healing. I remember thinking "Oh my God" At the time not knowing what was happening I thought for certain it was asleep. But as the prayers stopped and as people walked away I stood and walked. The healing was not immediate. But by my game on Tuesday I played the game and we won. I remember being confronted by an assistant coach after the game and the gentleman asking if my foot had any pain. I said replied "no."
Ive been praying for God to direct me in my spiritual gift. I believe 100% someone that prayed for me that day had the power of healing. I continue to keep this in mind as I seek God's direction, someday Ill be talking to someone and my words that I speak may change their lives. I want that. I know God has put things in my life to direct me. But God has also taken away things in my life to direct me the same. As I continue to follow him, everyday brings joy to my heart knowing my life is in Gods hands. With loss I learn and with receiving I can praise. X-Rays were negative by the way.
Praise God.
Sunday came along and I felt the urge to walk to the front of the church and ask for healing. I remember I normally would ask Ben or Franky to walk with me. Having the close relationship we did in high school it was just unspoken when one of us hurt the other was there for support no questions asked. As I knelt on the alter many other people came to pray for me. Our youth group at the time was expanding and growing and when youth girl or boy prayed at the alter all the youth seemed to fill the isles and fill the alter with prayers for the specific person.
This time I felt something. My foot began to feel heated. My foot began to tingle. Like as your leg or arm would fall asleep my foot began to do the same. As you may know for instance when your foot would fall asleep it would be in pain if you used it, if you stood on your foot and tried to walk. This was different. This was healing. I remember thinking "Oh my God" At the time not knowing what was happening I thought for certain it was asleep. But as the prayers stopped and as people walked away I stood and walked. The healing was not immediate. But by my game on Tuesday I played the game and we won. I remember being confronted by an assistant coach after the game and the gentleman asking if my foot had any pain. I said replied "no."
Ive been praying for God to direct me in my spiritual gift. I believe 100% someone that prayed for me that day had the power of healing. I continue to keep this in mind as I seek God's direction, someday Ill be talking to someone and my words that I speak may change their lives. I want that. I know God has put things in my life to direct me. But God has also taken away things in my life to direct me the same. As I continue to follow him, everyday brings joy to my heart knowing my life is in Gods hands. With loss I learn and with receiving I can praise. X-Rays were negative by the way.
Praise God.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Heaven, Once in a Lifetime
This past weekend I was sponsored by my future wife to attend The Great Banquet. Neat-O. I agreed before hand because I thought it would be a good time to ask tris's father Stan Rowan to have her hand in marriage. But I am impatient as we all know.
Anyways. After spending some time asking Tris about the Great Banquet and her only response being "You eat alot and listen to people talk" I just gave up and waited for the weekend to arrive. I thought for awhile about how in High School my youth would attend retreats or do fun activities and that would help my relationship with God progress forward. In between then an
d now Ive only attend Sunday's church services, Wednesday nights, and Cramers (pic on right) and all not consistently.
So lets start with arriving. I checked in got my rainbow name pin and stepped into my mattress-on-a-floor sleeping area. Name, yes Casey Spitnale.... Bed, yes there it is 7B. So I look for my bed. and there they are 5B, 6B,...... wait a second someone is 7B.... well... Yes there is 8B so this has to be 7B that some gentleman stole. Way to start a great weekend right? So I guess I set my bed up in 8B and hope I too do not spoil someones day by stealing their 3inch thick mattress.
We begin the Great Banquet with meeting in the sanctuary and as soon as we sit we are called by name out and applauded for attending the weekend and asked to leave the sanctuary then be directed through twists and turns and into a room with round tables. Not knowing anyone besides a spiritual leader (Stan) I was nervous but not too much. But Stan was the first to tell me "Don't anticipate, participate." I kept that in mind but also was told that over and over by our Table leader and others when I or another asked whats next.
We began by.... well first just know these things might not be in exact order and I may skip some events out but let say we began by designating Tables. I was instructed to sit at the James Table. With these men Gary, Keven, Kurt, Ron, and Andy. Eventually finding out that some of these men were not supposed to be in my Table and I was originally was not supposed to sit at the James Table at all but Ill get into that later.
Let get on with the weekend shall we?
THE ROUGH START
Pray. Yes in silence. In a new place. With new people. Not hard at all. Wait.....your asking us to pray in silence from this Thursday night until Friday morning? Wait.... I remember the instance where I thought in my mind arriving into our dorms..... "7B that's my MATTRESS I am taking back whats mine!!!" And I Grabbed this guys blankets and luggage and whipped them across the room yelling "READ DIRECTIONS ITS MY BED!!!!" - but that was in my mind. Now that tables have turned 8B. That not my bed.... but that's where my blankets are... and I am not going to be able to explain myself when the mans mattress I stole was really for a reason. Pray. Yeah I prayed. I prayed not to have a mess of my stuff when I get to my dorm and upon arriving into the room, yes there it is, intact safe. With the relief off my chest I begin to get into bed but what that... 7B are you snoring? You just laid down man! How in the world can you be snoring already. I began this Great Banquet with a rough start. A night of sleeplessness, silence, and prayer.
Morning. In silence. Showering. In silence. Dressing. In silence. Its not hard, unless your doing it. I spent some time in the morning listening to people get ready and sit and read outside not being able to even say "Good Morning." So I prayed. I prayed just for speaking to be privileged back to me and for my weekend not to go totally down hill from the mattress situation. Eventually I could speak. And the weekend continued.
Grace, Priorities, and Most of ALL Love
My old pastor Jim Fry used to say, "ALL means ALL and that's ALL ALL means." Words I have taken and used whenever I come across the word ALL. We were sat in our Tables and prepared for 15 talks by 15 different men. After each talk we were to do a song, skit, or poster after our table discussion about the talk to show our meaning of the talk. Something I excelled at being a artist/designer. Which in turn help Table James to finish sooner with arts & crafts time than any other Table.
Discussing the talks after a few began to get easier, more personal, and sometimes just sometimes worthwhile. Eventually I even learned the names of all our Table members without looking at their pins. We began to bond during discussions and during breaks. Friendship and Brotherly love began to evolve in a matter of hours with God working through and on each of us.
Kevin. I tell you what. Friday he was ready to leave. I was not expecting a good time either. We both stood outside alone. Sorta like prisoners we thought. Being let out for a period of time we did not know of. Didn't I mention that? No phones, watches, clocks or anything to tell the time. All were gone. So during the break we had we didn't know how long it would be but I learned about his family and his life a little. I could tell right away he was not interested in the Great Banquet.
Friday's talks started with explaining love and grace and how great it is really to accept our invitations to trust god and go through this Great Banquet not knowing anything of what its about and what goes on. This day was filled.
Anyways. After spending some time asking Tris about the Great Banquet and her only response being "You eat alot and listen to people talk" I just gave up and waited for the weekend to arrive. I thought for awhile about how in High School my youth would attend retreats or do fun activities and that would help my relationship with God progress forward. In between then an
d now Ive only attend Sunday's church services, Wednesday nights, and Cramers (pic on right) and all not consistently.So lets start with arriving. I checked in got my rainbow name pin and stepped into my mattress-on-a-floor sleeping area. Name, yes Casey Spitnale.... Bed, yes there it is 7B. So I look for my bed. and there they are 5B, 6B,...... wait a second someone is 7B.... well... Yes there is 8B so this has to be 7B that some gentleman stole. Way to start a great weekend right? So I guess I set my bed up in 8B and hope I too do not spoil someones day by stealing their 3inch thick mattress.
We begin the Great Banquet with meeting in the sanctuary and as soon as we sit we are called by name out and applauded for attending the weekend and asked to leave the sanctuary then be directed through twists and turns and into a room with round tables. Not knowing anyone besides a spiritual leader (Stan) I was nervous but not too much. But Stan was the first to tell me "Don't anticipate, participate." I kept that in mind but also was told that over and over by our Table leader and others when I or another asked whats next.
We began by.... well first just know these things might not be in exact order and I may skip some events out but let say we began by designating Tables. I was instructed to sit at the James Table. With these men Gary, Keven, Kurt, Ron, and Andy. Eventually finding out that some of these men were not supposed to be in my Table and I was originally was not supposed to sit at the James Table at all but Ill get into that later.
Let get on with the weekend shall we?
THE ROUGH START
Pray. Yes in silence. In a new place. With new people. Not hard at all. Wait.....your asking us to pray in silence from this Thursday night until Friday morning? Wait.... I remember the instance where I thought in my mind arriving into our dorms..... "7B that's my MATTRESS I am taking back whats mine!!!" And I Grabbed this guys blankets and luggage and whipped them across the room yelling "READ DIRECTIONS ITS MY BED!!!!" - but that was in my mind. Now that tables have turned 8B. That not my bed.... but that's where my blankets are... and I am not going to be able to explain myself when the mans mattress I stole was really for a reason. Pray. Yeah I prayed. I prayed not to have a mess of my stuff when I get to my dorm and upon arriving into the room, yes there it is, intact safe. With the relief off my chest I begin to get into bed but what that... 7B are you snoring? You just laid down man! How in the world can you be snoring already. I began this Great Banquet with a rough start. A night of sleeplessness, silence, and prayer.
Morning. In silence. Showering. In silence. Dressing. In silence. Its not hard, unless your doing it. I spent some time in the morning listening to people get ready and sit and read outside not being able to even say "Good Morning." So I prayed. I prayed just for speaking to be privileged back to me and for my weekend not to go totally down hill from the mattress situation. Eventually I could speak. And the weekend continued.
Grace, Priorities, and Most of ALL Love
My old pastor Jim Fry used to say, "ALL means ALL and that's ALL ALL means." Words I have taken and used whenever I come across the word ALL. We were sat in our Tables and prepared for 15 talks by 15 different men. After each talk we were to do a song, skit, or poster after our table discussion about the talk to show our meaning of the talk. Something I excelled at being a artist/designer. Which in turn help Table James to finish sooner with arts & crafts time than any other Table.
Discussing the talks after a few began to get easier, more personal, and sometimes just sometimes worthwhile. Eventually I even learned the names of all our Table members without looking at their pins. We began to bond during discussions and during breaks. Friendship and Brotherly love began to evolve in a matter of hours with God working through and on each of us.
Kevin. I tell you what. Friday he was ready to leave. I was not expecting a good time either. We both stood outside alone. Sorta like prisoners we thought. Being let out for a period of time we did not know of. Didn't I mention that? No phones, watches, clocks or anything to tell the time. All were gone. So during the break we had we didn't know how long it would be but I learned about his family and his life a little. I could tell right away he was not interested in the Great Banquet.
Friday's talks started with explaining love and grace and how great it is really to accept our invitations to trust god and go through this Great Banquet not knowing anything of what its about and what goes on. This day was filled.
Love
Saturday began soon enough. Throughout the day and including Friday we were told about the communities and people who were praying for us this weekend. It was overwhelming the 72 hour sign up sheet, the banners, the emails, and the letters from people we do not know praying for us. You think over and over about it and it touches your heart with love, agape love.
Saturday there were a lot of surprises that just got us all excited. Praising the Lord with our worship and music we all felt God presents through music, through the people around us, and through people on the outside. At the end of the day and after a discussion we were asked to walk as a Table and then file together to go to the sanctuary. Like prisoners again right? But were were lead down the hall our group being last. We heard signing from men and women in the sanctuary and that was different because the past two days first off there was no women here. The song I don't remember but it was the candlelight, the love, the people. It got to me, it got to all of us. This experience is a once in a lifetime service. As we went through it and finished I and others attending stood at the front of the church singing. Looking out to the candlelight as it disappeared. I felt the closest to heaven Ive ever felt at that moment. God Loves You. I don't know how much and I cant even describe it. I seemed to forgotten that over the years. I was reminded as I stood on stage singing to empty pews, singing to God. "Jesus, Jesus." Those are the only words I remember to that song.
That night ended in amazement. In excitement. Overwhelming.
Even if you know what is coming. You don't know until you have went through it. Maybe you will attend the Great Banquet someday. If you do. Yeah there is candlelight. I could describe to you word for word what I have done that night and you wouldn't still understand.
Sunday
Sunday. It came. The day to leave. Right up to the point and after the talks you receive letters. Again, overwhelming. You don't understand what all leads up to this. You must know about the talks. You must understand the honesty, the dedication, the love men have put into their speeches and work into the Great Banquet. Everything ties together. One event singled out may be meaningless without the others. I attended the Great Banquet and received Love, not letters. I received Agape. Kevin received Christ, the man that wanted to leave. I walked hand in hand with others as we walked though Gods grace. Gods Love. I sweated. I didn't cry. My eyes just sweated alot. If you ever are invited to the Great Banquet I encourage you to go. There are excuses. There are things you'll have to postpone or cancel. But if you go. You'll be change.
I spoke at the end in front of the community. I don't remember what I said but the service I do after my 4th day is important to me now. I am not the same and not because Tris told me I wasn't the same talking. But I feel different. I talk different. I pray different. I never experienced something like this that could change you so much in 72 hours. I walk different knowing more of the Love from God than I have ever had. I look forward to talking with my friends more about this. If you want to work together or anything I am a busy guy but I will not make an excuse not to talk. Because after all what if I am the 15th. What if we both got this excitement together. God is love and I cant understand that. Ill never comprehend heaven. But on this earth I was the closest to heaven Ive felt and to think heaven is more than candlelight, that brings a overwhelming joy to my heart. I know Gods love more today, I don't understand, but its beautiful candlelight, its letters, its water, its music.
I am excited.
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